Gems:
Enjoy some of the wonderful things sent to me by others.
 

TO: GOD
FROM: THE  DOG

Is it on purpose that our names are the same, only reversed?

Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, one another?

When  we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch?

Why are there cars named after the jaguar, cougar, mustang, colt, stingray, and rabbit, but  not ONE named for a Dog?

If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?

More  meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Are  there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Why does the garbage collector steal my stuff?

PS: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

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What Would You Choose?

In a discussion about whether computers are masculine or feminine, men say they are female because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Women say computers are male because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2 They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

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Pandora Radio is an internet station where you select your favorite music and it creates a selection of similar sounding selections. It’s free!

Unusual URLs
Below are web addresses of legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear!

Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is: 
www.whorepresents.com

Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at: www.expertsexchange.com

Looking for a great pen? Look no further than Pen Island at: www.penisland.net

Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at: www.therapistfinder.com

And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky site: www.speedofart.com

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Children's Science Exam Q&As

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"?
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

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"If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you’re right."

-Mary Kay Ash

Fabulous Videos

Stand By Me

Dancing Dog

Chinese Dance Competition

Skidboot the Wonderdog!!!

Women in Art

Dancing Bird
 

Great Questions

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
Answer: Strawberry

Why is it that some colors are used as surnames and others are not?
Example: I’ve heard of Mr. Brown & Mrs. Green but never Miss Pink or Mr. Yellow.

A dog truly is man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try this experiment. Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, see which one is really happy to see you!
 

“When you were born, you cried
and the world rejoiced.
  Live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.”
 -- Old Indian Saying

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.”
 -- Anonymous

“The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.”
-Anonymous

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“To choose one’s attitude
in any given circumstance
is to choose one’s own way.”
 -- Victor Frankel
Holocaust Survivor

“People will not remember what you said; people will not remember what you did;
they will remember how you made them feel.”
-- I do not remember!

“Life isn’t just about what you can have; it’s about what you have to give.”
--Oprah Winfrey

“ The biggest disease today
is the feeling of being unwanted,
uncared for and deserted by everybody.”
 -- Mother Teresa

“A friend is a gift you give yourself.”
-- Robert Louis Stevenson

“One day, long, long ago, there was this woman who surprisingly, did not whine, nag or bitch.
  But this was a long time ago,
and it was just ONE day.”
-- Sent to me by our friend Jane Bradley

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”
-- Rod Stewart

People do not care
about how much you know.
They care about
how much you care.

Gardening Rule:
When weeding,
the best way to make sure
you are removing a weed
and not a valuable plant
is to pull on it.
If it comes out
of the ground easily,
it’s a valuable plant.

History of Communication:
Telegraph
Telephone
Tell a woman!

Rules to Live By:
Every time you learn something, look for an opportunity to teach it.

Make your excuses your reasons.

Champions see their victory long before they celebrate it.

Growth is like peeling an onion.

10 Simple Ways
to Burn More Calories
1. Tap your fingers or swing your foot. The little extra movements can burn dozens of extra calories throughout the day.

2. Making your bed burns about 17 calories. Want more? Make your kids’ beds too.

3. Chewing gum burns 11 calories per hour, not including bubbles.

4. Ironing your clothes burns 155 calories per hour ... however, that’s a lot of ironing.

5. Playing with the dog burns 272 calories per hour and helps your dog relax as well.

6. An hour of gardening can burn 272 calories.

7. Pacing while on the phone will make you think faster and you’ll burn 136 calories per hour.

8. Standing burns 136 calories per hour. You’d think pacing would burn more!

9. Changing positions and crossing and uncrossing your legs also burns dozens of extra calories.

10. And finally, vacuuming burns 238 calories per hour.

c 2006 Revolution Health Group, LLC.

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What cartoon character do you most resemble?

Answer the 10 questions with the choice that best describes you. Add your points and scroll down for your results.

1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
c) Painting in the park (5 pts)
d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)

2. What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
b) Alternative (1 pt.)
c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
d) Country (5 pts.)
e) Pop (3 pts.)

3. What type of movies do you prefer?
a) Comedy (2 pts.)
b) Horror (1 pt.)
c) Musical (3 pts.)
d) Romance (4 pts.)
e) Documentary (5 pts.)

4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose only one?
a) Waiter (4 pts.)
b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
c) Teacher (3 pts.)
d) Police (2 pts.)
e) Cashier (1 pt)

5 What do you do with your spare time?
a) Exercise (5 pts.)
b) Read (4 pts.)
c) Watch television (2 pts.)
d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
e) Sleep (3 pts.)

6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?
a) Yellow (1 pt.)
b) White (5 pts.)
c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
d) Dark Blue (2 pts.)
e) Red (4 pts.)

7. What do you prefer to eat?
a) Snow (3 pts.)
b) Pizza (2 pts.)
c) Sushi (1 pt.)
d) Pasta (4 pts.)
e) Salad (5 pts.)

8. What is your favorite holiday ?
a) Halloween (1 pt.)
b) Christmas (3 pts.)
c) New Year (2 pts.)
d) Valentine's Day (4 pts.)
e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.)

9. If you could go to one of these places which one would d it be?
a) Paris (4 pts)
b) Spain (5 pts)
c) Las Vegas (1 pt)
d) Hawaii (4 pts)
e) Hollywood (3 pts)

10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time?
a) Someone Smart (5 pts.)
b) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)
d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)

Now add up your points.

(10-16 points) You are Garfield : You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.

(17-23 points) You are Snoopy: You are fun; you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you're never out of style, you are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times

(24-28 points) You are Elmo: You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.

(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants:
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it' s funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people and you will be stress free.

(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown: You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.

(44-50 points ) You are Dexter: You are smart and definitely a thinker. Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes. Try to do less over thinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!

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HEMA is a Dutch department store
that opened in 1926 in Amsterdam.
There are now 150 stores in the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxemburg, and Germany.

Check out
http://producten.hema.nl/
You can't order anything and it's in Dutch but
this company has a great sense of humor.

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